PASSING THOUGHTS #1

I, as many writers do, have a very overactive brain. It's constantly racing, frequently stringing together random incoherent thoughts and always overassessing my surroundings. Much of the time I end up jotting down these whirring thoughts on anything I can find - in my iPhone notes, on a post-it note which gets stuck to a mirror or in the notebook which I keep beside my bed. Sometimes these thoughts get formed into blog posts or sent to friends, but other times they just sit there collecting dust. These thoughts get wasted and simply end up withering away in my forgotten notebooks, so I thought, why not share a few of them in their incoherency to see if they offer any of you the comfort that writing them down gave me.


1. Today I have a book hangover. A friend of mine (this friend is the wonderful Amy, btw) brought this phrase to my attention and I enjoy it very much. A book hangover is the feeling of being so completely and wildly attached to a book after you've finished reading it that you can't bear to read anything else. Every other book pales in comparison and your mind is consumed by thoughts of that one book. It hurts to read anything else. Your soul won't connect. Today I have a book hangover and I simply cannot think straight.


2. It's strange to me how morbidly curious I am when it comes to nostalgia. I force myself to look at things even when I know that they're going to hurt inner parts of me. It's like that weird need to crane your head and stare at the front door of the house you used to live in when you drive past on your way elsewhere. You know that you're not going to see anything new and you know that that look won't be beneficial. You know all you're going to see is that same front door which holds a lot of memories that its current inhabitants are blissfully unaware of, but you feel the need to look anyway just to remind yourself that it's still there and that it happened. That that part of your life still existed, even when remembering that it did hurts a little.


3. I sometimes think that life is too much for me. That if I didn't push myself to achieve things the way that I do then I wouldn't feel half of the negative feelings that I do. I pile this anxiety on myself. Maybe the problem is more that life is not enough for me. Is that where this pile of emotions comes from?


4. Focusing on my workload at the moment is something which I've been finding incredibly hard and I think that my mental health has played a big part in my difficulty with this. Only a couple of things seem to have been working for me in combatting this inability to work. The first of these is making sure that I get 8 hours of sleep a night, and the second is supplements to help me focus. One I've especially been loving recently is BrainZyme, a brain food supplement proven to reduce tiredness and improve concentration.


5. Is there a word to describe the joy of two fictional characters who you've been rooting for for an entire novel finally getting together and finding happiness? I love that feeling which comes from reading the last page of a book. Closing that final page sets the entire story in stone. Those characters lives will now never change. That world that you were temporarily whisked away to has been preserved between pages and will not differ with each new visit. The love still exists. It is the only certainty.


6. Am I the only person who thinks so much about tiny little things? About strangers in cars on motorways and their destinations? About passengers on trains and who I would have met instead had I got the train which left the station 2 minutes before? About the people who sleep in hotel room beds the night after I have left or the day before I have arrived? About thoughts and feelings and 'what's going on in her head right now?'. Surely I'm not. Surely other people's brains must whir the way mine does.


So there are my scraps and pieces from the cutting room floor. The thoughts and feelings that almost never saw the light. I think, maybe, if I have enough thoughts, I'll try to make this a more regular feature on the blog. It's strangely cathartic to just let it all out, unedited.


4 comments :

  1. I love this. I always feel really overwhelmed when I think that every single other person is living their own life and having their own thoughts and doing their own thing and we will never meet most of the people in the world but they all have their own lives and loves and successes and failures.

    Also I totally relate to book hangovers!
    💙💩🌿

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    1. Thank you Hels! It's so overwhelming to think about, isn't it? I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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  2. Love this Lauren! So relatable and I'm glad to know someone thinks half as much as I do 😂

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    1. Thanks Evie! God, it's such a burden isn't it hahahaha

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